Eight Ways to Make Meaning

February always seems to be a hard month for me. Spring seems far off and winter has overstayed its welcome. I think what I yearn for during this month is meaning. Why am I here, now? 

In that place of what seems like status quo and deadening routine, here are eight ways to make meaning.

1. Wake up to what you’ve been avoiding. Often this involves pain--the pain of knowing when something has been missing, neglected, unacknowledged, the pain of disappointment in yourself or others, the pain of coming face to face with your own frailties.

In an earlier posting, I describe a conversation with my son, three years old at the time, as I was walking out the door for work. His question was, "When will there be a day when you and Dad will both be home?"  This was at a time when my husband was working as a golf pro and was gone on weekends, evenings and holidays. I had a full-time job as an engineer. We didn't have the same days off. This simple question woke me up to the pain of living a life that did not include time as a whole family. 

Making meaning relies on seeing and accepting reality, even when it's painful.

2. Wake up to what you’ve been yearning for. Dream. Wonder. Blurt. Think big, conceptually. Want to be on Oprah? To talk about what? To move forward what cause?

In a conversation with a serial entrepreneur, he talked about having lots of options in front of him after selling his last company. As he described each one, I could tell that nothing seemed to be juicy enough to make him jump out of bed in the morning. When I suggested that he explore his life purpose, his response was "Life purpose is too deep for me."  Yet life purpose was just underneath the surface for him. He became passionate in talking about using power to serve and grow institutions that could lift others out of poverty. 

Be willing to acknowledge what you long for and have the courage to pursue it. Meaning follows from that.

3. Embrace the sacred. Where truth and humility meet, you'll usually find the sacred.

A friend was summoned to her aunt's death bed, when she had just a few days to live. She described scenes of bathing her aunt, dressing her, and stroking her head as she took her last breath.  My friend was literally called into sacred space and for her willingness, she was given the gift of one of her most memorable experiences in life.

Your own version of sacred space need not be this dramatic. Think of the orange glow of a sunset, an exquisitely shaped snowflake, or even a child's whisper of an ungrounded fear.

See the sacred around you and meaning will instantly be present.

4. Notice the new shoot that is emerging. In the spring green of new growth, lies a seed planted long ago and the potential for meaning.

I'm always amazed when daffodils peak through the mulch, in what seems like the dead of winter. There is life, even when nothing has stirred for ages. What’s been stirring quietly inside of you unbeknownst to your everyday life?

Find the thread, the glimmer, the tip, and follow it to find meaning.

5. Look beyond the numbers. It's easy to become obsessed with numbers, to make it the measuring stick for its own sake. Yet the gold is in finding the meaning underlying the numbers.

My friend, Jim Huling, who is the CEO of an IT staffing firm said it well when I interviewed him for my podcast. He said, "If I lead my company to produce 300 million dollars in revenue this year, I've led them to a goal that is not ignoble, it's just not deep. But if I say, let us find jobs for 3,872 people this year, we achieve the same financial results and we will do it with a sense of purpose and meaning and deep satisfaction. It will become the thing we talk about at the dinner table and with our friends."

Find the story behind the numbers and there you will find meaning.

6. What if what we’ve come here for is “x?”  It's an odd thing. I get to assign meaning. I define what is meaningful to me.

One of my favorite quotes is from a mentor who had organized a large conference. She made sure that the normally bland conference environment was adorned with bouquets of flowers. She explained it this way: "What if what we've come here for is beauty?"  What if? Meaning could be found in the smallest of places, in a backyard or a magazine or a window of a gift shop.

Become aware of what's meaningful to you and create more than a chance encounter with it in your daily life.

7. Tell a story. A colleague pointed me to a description of story, as a form that provides truth with a blend of both thought and feeling.  A good story always leads to meaning.

SMITH Magazine is a home for storytelling, with a focus on personal narrative. Their mission: "Whether a professional or unpublished writer, we believe everyone has a story, and everyone should have a place to tell it."  They've recently published a book of 6-word memoirs, Not Quite What I Was Planning. It's not too late to tell your own 6-word memoir on their website.

Dan Pink, author of A WHOLE NEW MIND, is also taking 50-word mini-sagas (with a beginning, middle, and end) and occasionally publishing on his blog.

If conciseness is not your strength, write your story anyway. I've given this assignment to coaching clients and seen it work without fail. Meaning pops out in the most unexpected places, just by telling your story.

8. Listen to a story. StoryCorps is a project with this mission: “To honor and celebrate one another’s lives through listening.” 

When I worked for Avaya, I started a monthly career development talk, that involved three speakers from different parts of the company, each with fifteen minutes to tell their story. We sat in a circle, with the lights down low, and lit candles in the middle, my version of the corporate campfire. Each month, the room was packed. What I discovered is that listeners could see possibilities in the stories of others. They found validation, inspiration and hope. They found meaning in their own situations.

Meaning is found in the common bond of stories.

Meaning is everywhere, in big things and small, in the known and unknown, in joyful and painful places. We can choose to make meaning, at any time, with any experience. Even in the gray shades of a mid-winter day.

Comments

[deb]

What a totally rich and yummy post. I'm going to print it out; this is one to savor my friend. Thanks for writing. xo Deb

[Felicia]

Dear Carol,
I was sent a link to your '10 ways to make meaning' and was floored. You are truly lovely. Your insight is inspiring and just what I needed right now. When you use examples...I get what you're telling me. I found meaning in your article and I've not known the glorious person you are until today. What a way to start my day. I am fortunate to have found you. Sincerely, Felicia

[Carol Ross]

Thanks, Deb and Felicia, for your feedback. I always appreciate knowing how my writing impacts others--what a wonderful reward!