Ordinary Life, Extraordinary Living

25 Random Things About Me

I was recently tagged on Facebook by a friend to write down "25 random things, facts, habits or goals about me." I lost my first list, trying to figure out how to use the notes feature on Facebook and tag other people. So here's my second try at it:

1. I played flute in high school and off and on through my adult life in community bands.
   My most terrifying moment in my musical career was when a conductor asked me in front of the entire band whether I was flat or sharp. I guessed....correctly.
2. I grew up in Fort Wayne, Indiana, a town of 250,000. My family was one of a handful of Asian families in town. One uncle owned a Chinese laundry. Another uncle owned a Chinese restaurant.
3. I've been wearing glasses since I was ten years old. I tried wearing contacts as a teenager but could never get used to the idea of putting something in my eye, intentionally. Photo by striatic.
4. My first crush was in junior high. His name was Jon Newman and he barely knew I existed. I used to ride my bike past his house, thinking that it would somehow make us more connected. 
5. My second crush was in high school. His name was Kevin Erwin and he was known for doing a great impression of Johnny Carson.
6. I once threw up in a canoe, after becoming sea sick.
7. I've been married for 25 years, to my college sweetheart, Chip.
8. In the late '80s, I lived in NJ (exit 137 off the Parkway). The East Coast was not for me but I appreciated the opportunity to find that out.
9. I was 8 months pregnant with my first child in the middle of winter. I enjoyed the extra body heat. For once, I wasn't cold in winter.
10. Ten years ago, I tested as an ESTJ on the Myers-Briggs. A few years ago, I tested as an INTJ.
11. I'm the youngest of four children.
12. I didn't know I was a writer until after I was forty.
13. The number 13 is significant in my life. I was born on the 13th. I was married on the 13th. My dad died on the 13th, when I was 13. Photo by SideLong.  
14. I still keep in touch with my best friend from high school, Stacia.
15. I've been laid off twice. The first time, I had no clue. The second time, they had no clue that I had a clue.
16. I can't stand the texture of rice pudding. I hate oatmeal.
17. If I wasn't a coach and an entrepreneur, I'd make flower arrangements for a living.
18. I worked in a nuclear power plant for three years, in the radiochemistry department. I wore a hard hat and steel-toed shoes to get to my office.
19. I think unions drive the wrong behavior--reducing everyone to the lowest common denominator and squashing any individuality or differences in thinking that can lead to innovation.
20. I can be brutally honest with friends and family. I once told a friend when asked about his new toupee, "You look younger but you don't look any better."
21. After I graduated from college, I went around the world, from East to West, from the US to Asia to Europe and back to the US. 
22. I'm a good project manager. I'm an even better interviewer.
23. I'd like to take an improv class someday. Photo by House of Sims.
24. I can't sew worth a darn. In junior high, I had to make a t-shirt in home economics. It came out too short.
25. I buy most of my clothes at consignment and thrift shops. I have a value that says, "If you can get it for less, it's good." Must be the Chinese genes.

Tea Time: Good for Your Cold, Good for Your Prostate

I've been having a blast playing with a new Flip camcorder. It's about the size of a pack of cards and makes creating and uploading video extremely easy. I love the immediacy of online video, a way to document something that strikes me as funny or interesting in the normal course of my day. So here's a snippet of from today (with apologies to Pee Wee Herman for the poor imitation of his hairdo):

On the back of the tea package, was this:

"Enjoy this environmentally-friendly, round, unbleached tea bag--free of wasteful strings, staples and tags."

It made me wonder if the tea company (or at least their marketing group) was located in Boulder. (It's not.) Really, I could drink tea without worrying about wasteful strings and whether the tea bag was unbleached.

BTW--The secret ingredient in the quiche is egg nog (instead of heavy cream.)

Nine Networking Mistakes to Avoid

Here are nine networking mistakes I see from individuals of all experience levels, including seasoned career professionals. Many of these are mistakes I’ve made myself:                                                                    

1. Networking sporadically. During the holidays I noticed a distinct uptick in people reaching out and re-connecting. But what happens after the seasonal cheer wears off and everyone is back in the office, under the gloom of mid-winter blues? Yeah, see you next December. Networking is a continuous effort, in good times and bad. Find reasons to connect, whether it’s an article that someone might like or a conversation that made you think of a specific person. Don’t be someone who connects only once a year, when everyone else is trying to do the same.
2. Being a “taker” rather than a “giver.” Networking works best when you adopt a mindset of giving to others first. Be willing to let the relationship evolve from there. Remember that making deposits to the “emotional bank account” now can’t help but accumulate interest over time. Be a giver first, rather than a taker, and watch how it creates bigger opportunities and better options for the future.
3. Failing to follow up.  At the start of a new relationship, building trust is important. The quickest way to sabotage a new relationship is to promise something and not deliver. No matter how small, do what you say you will do, whether it’s passing on a name to someone in your network or emailing the url of a blog that was mentioned in your conversation. 
4. Lack of acknowledgment. People want to know that their effort to give to others is appreciated, no matter the outcome. If you get an email introduction to someone who can help you, always thank the person who made the introduction. Copy them when you attempt to connect with the person being introduced. Give them the courtesy of hearing the outcome of their efforts. If someone takes the time to give you feedback (e.g., on your website, on the impression you made on them, on how you are proceeding with your job search, on whether you are a fit for a job), let them know that you heard the feedback—even if you don’t agree with it.  Complete the conversation. Silence is not always golden. 
5. Expecting others to network for you. In the course of meeting new people, you may get an offer from someone to help you network—by sending on a resume, talking with a neighbor, or checking with a hiring manager on openings. This willingness to help is great and it’s misdirected if you count on having a middleman. Ask for the contact information of the person you are hoping to get the attention of. Or ask for an email introduction to that person.  It’s your responsibility to move the ball forward, not someone else’s. Be proactive. 
6. Missing an opportunity to be a connector. These last four mistakes relate to playing the role of a connector when networking. In this role, it’s not just about making a connection with a new person, it’s making connections between people. What people often forget is how they can add value by connecting someone in their network to someone they are just meeting for the first time. Be on the lookout for these opportunities. It will take your networking effectiveness to another level. 
7. Providing a weak introduction, or none at all, to two parties. A weak introduction is akin to no introduction. Take the time to do it right. People will remember you for it. When playing the role of a connector, make it appealing for both sides to meet. Give specifics on what makes each person so special in your eyes. Speculate on what could happen if they meet. Don’t rely on the fact that because you think it’s a good idea, both parties will, too.
8. Connecting two people where there isn’t a perceived win-win. This is sometimes the reason for a weak introduction, because the person making the introduction can’t articulate why both parties would benefit in meeting. Sometimes, only one party benefits. Consider carefully why both parties would want to meet before making a solid introduction. 
9. Passing on bad apples, without warning. If you are a great networker, people in your network will trust you to introduce them to quality people—responsible adults with good intentions, integrity, and a generous spirit.  Don’t connect two people if you think it might undermine that trust. At the very least, let the person who might end up with the short end of the stick know what they might be getting into.

I'm curious to know. How many of these mistakes are ones you made?  What would you add to this list?

Photos by shashiBellamkonda

UPDATE: Since this was published, many people have emailed me about passing on the link not just to one or two friends, but to groups of people, because they felt the information was so valuable. Thank you! It was a sign to me that networking is a skill that many people could use help with, right now, in a changing landscape.

I've developed a program to fill that need, Networking Naturally Program: Less Stress, More Joy, Better Results, a series of three teleseminars, starting on October 27.  For more information and registration:www.naturalway2network.com. 

Gingerbread Houses: Moving Dreams Into Reality

Bill, from A Bigger Voice, recently sent photos of his annual gingerbread house that he creates with his kids. It’s been a tradition in his household for 14 years. This year’s “house” is a small town gas station, circa 1940, complete with a pickup truck, stacked tires, and vintage gas pumps.

I was surprised to see the process that Bill uses for this project—starting with sketches of a new design for that year’s creation and progressing through the different stages of construction to the final, fully adorned structure. It’s a wonderful example of transforming imagination into reality.

It also fits with who I know Bill to be—an architect of future visions, intent on first coming up with a clear destination before designing the means to get there.

When I talked with Bill about his process, he provided these observations:

• Things never go as planned.
• The finishing touches always include a measure of creativity and whimsy. 
• The process is collaborative, as parts of the design emerge from suggestions by different members of his family, and one person riffing off of another person’s idea. 
• The question, “When are we done?” is ever present.

How is this the same or different from your own experiences with moving dreams into reality? Do tell.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Several years ago, I was telling a mentor about a conversation with a friend. In the conversation, my friend talked about how he was a sickly child. Only by the sheer grace of God did he become healthy enough to reach adulthood. I forget the details of the turning point in this friend's health situation, only that it required believing in a bit of magic.

My mentor turned to me and said, "That's the story he tells himself."

I've never forgotten that. At first, I was stunned that someone could be so skeptical, when the story was told with such authenticity. What I realize now is that this mentor had a keen sense of human behavior and our ability to dupe ourselves. As Seth Godin says:

"People don't believe what you tell them.
They rarely believe what you show them.
They often believe what their friends tell them.
They always believe what they tell themselves."

In working with clients, sometimes the truth gets obscured by the stories we tell ourselves. The stories are meant to keep us comfortable in a changing world, to keep us sheltered from a grim reality, to allow us to continue on without working too hard. Up until my last layoff in 2002, I told myself that I wasn't ready to go off on my own, that I could be happy working in my current job for another year. It was a way of keeping myself comfortable, even as I was getting more and more uncomfortable.

Stories serve an important purpose in that they help us to survive. We get by, not with a little help from our friends, but from our stories. If you are lucky, you outgrow the stories you tell yourself. If you are really lucky, someone will challenge your stories.

What's the story you tell yourself?

Photo by ifindkarma

11 Great Things to Do In a Down Economy

1. Make new connections. Invite someone interesting to coffee. Find a networking event that resonates with you. Create your own gathering. Get on Twitter. 
2. Strengthen old connections. Make a list of the people you enjoy. Send a note. Plan a date. Say a kind word.
3. Improve yourself. Learn a new craft or language, using free resources on the Internet or your local library. Subscribe to blogs on topics of interest. Develop mastery in an area you already know something about. Work on fitness.
4. Take stock of what you have. Know what you have in terms of tangible and intangible assets--material goods, relationships, financial assets, skills, talents, experiences.
5. Develop a practice of gratitude. Click here for ideas on how to do this. 
6. Quiet your mind. Learn how to meditate or relax so that you can live in the present, not the future or the past. All we have is now. Recommended book: Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
7. Streamline your lifestyle. What would happen if you fulfilled only your needs instead of your wants? Intentionally focus on the essential few rather than the distracting many and see what happens. 
8. Clear out clutter. Fix broken fences. File stacks of papers. Let go of old stories that no longer serve you.                                                          Photo by aussiegall
9. Implement a wild idea. Do it, just to see what happens.
10. Feed your imagination. Draw with pastels/crayons/markers. Create a collage. Read some off-the-wall blogs. Rent a movie that you consider unconventional.
11. Look for the opportunity in the current situation, instead of what is lacking. Even in a down economy, there are things that people are willing to invest in if it will eliminate pain, reduce fear, or increase their comfort level.

Those who will thrive in hard times are those who make the most of what they have, develop the best physical, mental and emotional states to create from, and unleash their imagination and passion. These are the individuals for which opportunity comes knocking, independent of economic conditions.

Turning Point and Change

Change seems to be what's in the world these days. I read it in the papers and I see it in my emails. I am creating it in my businesses and in my life. And still, I resist it.

Recently, a friend emailed me that she was retiring, after 35 years at the same company. Her decision to retire was triggered by a great buy-out package, offered by her company as part of a strategy to survive tough economic times. Knowing this is a big transition for her, I replied, "Change is a good thing."

Her reply was lukewarm, reminding me that when I'm going through change, it can really suck. It's only afterwards, that I can look back and realize the blessing and turning point that it represents.

I found the following poem on a wonderful site, www.gratefulness.org.

Desire change. Be enthusiastic for that flame
in which a thing escapes your grasp
while it makes a glorious display of transformation.
That designing Spirit, the master mind of all things on earth
loves nothing so much in the sweeping movement of the dance
as the turning point.

-- Rainer Maria Rilke, translated by Br. David Steindl-Rast

To go deeper into the meaning of the words, see the delightful video below, of the translator first reading the poem in German, and then giving his interpretation of the poem.

How do you view change? What helps you in times of change?

Forget About Hanging On to Your Job: Try Managing Yourself

In this climate where the next layoff or bankruptcy could be just around the corner, there's no better security than to "know thyself." I re-discovered a gem of an article, Managing Oneself by Peter Drucker, while cleaning my office.

Long before focusing on strengths became popular, Drucker called it right, when he said, 

"It takes far more energy to improve from incompetence to mediocrity than to improve from first-rate performance to excellence."

Photo by fluzo

In addition to talking about strengths, Drucker cites the importance of knowing how one learns, one's values, how one gets things done, and taking responsibility for relationships. This is the type of self-awareness that goes beyond a job and leads to satisfying careers, even in a down economy. 

P.S. I love how the Internet makes so much information available. I first read Drucker's article nearly ten years ago in a management journal and kept copies on a filing cabinet outside of my cubicle. Distribution of great ideas/articles was limited and cumbersome. That's no longer the case, thank goodness.

A Question that Matters for 2009

The great thing about de-cluttering is that I run across good stuff I had forgotten about. I recently found a hard copy of an article, on how the questions you ask shape who you are. The electronic version is titled On Loving the Questions (scroll down to the 2003 posting), written by Sam Keen, author, philosopher, and former contributing editor to Psychology Today.

(Minor tangent: Many years ago, I attended a conference where Sam Keen spoke. His passion at the time was learning life lessons from the trapeze, captured in his book, Learning to Fly: Fear, Trust, and the Joy of Letting Go.  Keen set up a trapeze at the conference so that participants could viscerally experience what he was talking about. That's me flying through the air.)

One of my favorite quotes from the article:

"Nothing shapes our lives so much as the questions we ask, refuse to ask, or never think of asking." 

When I come across a though-provoking question, I consider it a gift. A client gave me the gift of this question, which I now offer up here:

In 2009, what one small thing, when done consistently, will have a big impact? 

I'll be pondering that one over the next few days. I love both the question and the journey of discovering the answer.  

What questions are you asking that will matter in 2009?

Not Jumping Into 2009

This has been a different kind of start to the new year for me. Maybe it's been that way for you as well.

Photo by MacJewell

I'm not ready to jump into 2009. I groan when I see the New Year's resolutions that my friends are sending me and the workshops marketed by my colleagues to help manifest those resolutions. I have no inkling what 2009 will bring and to start setting intentions or goals seems premature. Maybe in February it will feel differently.

I'm not particularly interested in reviewing the last year (as in, the top ten things I did or learned or remembered.) I forced myself over the weekend to blog about things I learned in 2008. After listing a few items, I got bored. When I read other people's lists, I either get jealous (that it seems to flow out of the keyboard so easily) or I'm totally uninterested.

I'm not anxious to be online again. After nearly a two-week hiatus, being "off the grid," and barely communicating with the outside world, I feel like I could use another few weeks. I dreaded coming into my office this morning, knowing that I didn't have the holidays anymore as an excuse not to answer email.

It's as if I'm two weeks behind (or more). Or maybe I'm ahead, by about 11 months.

Photo by Jesse757

I don't have a plan for 2009, other than a few loosely structured phrases in my head (e.g., pare back expenses, come up with a marketing plan, do more of what I love.)

Instead, the only thing I want to do, above and beyond the usual business (e.g., coaching calls with clients), is to de-clutter. To create space--physical space in my office and mental space in my email inbox. I figure the emotional and spiritual will follow from that. Or maybe it's the other way around.

I'm feeling the need to simplify and focus, although I'm not sure what that looks like exactly.

One of my clients has a program at work called Jump Into January, where performance is tracked with hard numbers, day in and day out, to get a good start to the year. Instead, I think my program is Patience in January, where sorting out and clarity happens moment to moment, and not any sooner. 

I have to remember that the year is twelve months long. It's a marathon, not a sprint. I'm giving myself the entire month of January to de-clutter. So if I'm a bit slow jumping in on Twitter or responding to email or posting to my blogs, you'll know why. 

How about you? Are you jumping in? Or wading in? Or waiting for the water to warm up?

Photo by ibm4381