Ordinary Life, Extraordinary Living

Have We Become a Society of Driveling, Rude, Multi-tasking, Automatons?

Factoids and observations over the last month have led me to wonder where modern society is headed:

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  Heard on NPR, teenagers send or receive an average of 2,272 text messages per month. That's nearly 80 per day. I can only imagine the content of those text messages....

• In doing research for this post, I ran across a great resource on media use, Media Institute on Media + The Family. See their fact sheet on media use. If you don't have a teen in your household, it will surprise you. We spend more time in front of screens than anything else besides sleeping.  Photo by Pink Sherbet Photography.

• I've been using Twitter on a regular basis since January 2009. Increasingly, the people who are following seem to be focused on drivel, hype, gaming the system, or attracting attention with seductive profile photos. What happened to thoughtful discourse (yes, that can happen in 140 characters) and real people talking about meaningful things (note: quotes from famous people don't count)?

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  A friend emailed me an Ellen Goodman column on multi-tasking as as way of life, and by the way, one that doesn't make us smarter. I see it with my kids as a normal part of staying stimulated--ear buds are a permanent part of my younger son's wardrobe, no matter whether he's watching a Star Trek episode on his computer or unloading the dishwasher or doing his homework. Photo by Schmoomema

While I'm at it, I might as well add in that civility and common respect seem to be on the decline. No one seems to consider it rude to text or Twitter while talking to others.  A recent Wall Street Journal article, Friends Don't Let Friends Bring Up Healthcare, points out our inability to agree to disagree without hard feelings. And I was dismayed by the general insensitivity at my nieces' high school graduation ceremony last spring. A number of women seated behind us talked at normal conversational levels on cell phones throughout the ceremony, as if they were in the privacy of their homes. Photo by kiwanga

If I sound like a middle-aged woman, yearning for a different time, that's not my intention. Rather, I hope that as we continue to use more advanced technology in our daily lives, we learn to become more thoughtful and tolerant, respectful and informed, and ultimately, more human.

Daniel Pink on What Really Motivates People and The Importance of Service and Persistence

I admit it. I'm biased. Anything that Dan Pink writes or speaks on, I usually agree with.

It's no different with this TED talk he gave this summer on the mismatch between what social scientists know about motivation and how businesses apply incentives. He ties his thesis--that mastery, purpose, and autonomy are better motivators than the traditional carrot or stick--back to his previous best seller, A Whole New Mind.

Pink argues that the kind of work that is valued now requires creativity (e.g., lateral thinking) and traditional incentives in business (e.g., money or avoidance of getting booted out) stifle creativity.  It's a natural next step in Pink's exploration of the world of work and careers and an insight that's sorely needed in the business world.

Yes, any seasoned manager understands this intuitively. Give your employees more control of their work, let them feel a sense of accomplishment and achievement, and make it meaningful and the results will be outstanding. But where Pink excels is bringing the facts to what we know intuitively. 

For more great insights on careers from Pink, watch this commencement speech he gave in 2008 to the Minneapolis College of Art and Design (MCAD):

I'll be interviewing Pink later this fall on behalf of the Northwestern Alumni Association. (We're both alums.) We'll talk about his book, The Adventures of Johnny Bunko, a career book targeted to Gen Y, as well as his forthcoming book on intrinsic motivation, Drive. I can't wait.

Networking Naturally Program, Starting Oct 27

If you've been thinking, "I need to do more networking" but aren't sure how to get started, now's your chance to get support--the kind of support that will make all the difference.

In October, I'm starting a 3-teleseminar series, Networking Naturally Program: Less Stress, More Joy, Better Results.

We'll meet for three consecutive Tuesdays over the phone (or listen over the Internet), 75-minutes each time. Here are a few tips to give you a taste of what you'll learn in the program:

It's been a ton of work over the last few months to put all the pieces in place (systems, staff, process). At times, I forgot to have fun. I wondered if I had gotten myself into an endless do-loop.

This week, I remembered why I'm doing this work. I received a call from someone who had participated in the pilot of this program, last April. She started off by saying, "I didn't want to email you. I felt like I wanted to call you instead. I just want to tell you that things are falling into place for me, and it's all because of networking!" 

We talked more and I could see that while this person had "done her homework," participating in the Networking Naturally Program made the difference between showing up, or going through life waiting for a tap  on the shoulder. This woman decided to show up. She connected with others who could make use of her gifts and offer up new opportunities. 

I forget that for many, it's hard to "put yourself out there." That's why your attitude about networking makes such a big difference. If connecting with others is about giving and being of service, it's a heck of a lot easier than if you've got a Gremlin saying, "Who would want to talk to you?"

Give first before asking for anything. That's just one of the principles that I'll be teaching this fall in the Networking Naturally Program. I hope you'll join me. Early registration ends on September 25, so don't delay. 

BTW--this work is the reason I've recently been absent from this blog for weeks at a time. I miss having time to write, create, and ponder. I'm hoping to re-connect with my muse in the coming weeks....

Back to School Time

Back-to-school time is bittersweet. Yes, we celebrate a new year, the start of the next adventure. And with a new start, there's also an ending.

For weeks now, I've been reminded of endings and beginnings, of the rituals that mark the passing of time. It started about a month ago, when I attended a family dinner, to say good-bye to my twin nieces, headed off to college for the first time. One left in August for the West Coast and the other left this month for the Midwest. They are half girl and half woman, with responsibilities and talents and intelligence that clearly puts them into the adult category and life experience that still puts them in the teen category.  When we gather again for Thanksgiving, they will have moved a little closer into adulthood.

It is the end of a parent's "child under my roof" period, when daily living together is the natural (if not always comfortable) state of affairs. I may not have the same influence over your clothes and choice of friends as when you were younger, but I still see you at breakfast and dinner. A friend of mine with a senior in high school told me that she's already getting teary-eyed, and it's only the beginning of the school year. Just like women get pre-menopausal, mothers get pre-empty nesteritis. It's a nasty condition that is often accompanied by lumps in the throat and a dread of being no longer needed.

I've been reminded how far my own children have come in terms of independence.  Just a few years ago, my husband and I were hesitant to leave them alone for a couple of hours on their own. Now, an evening out for dinner or a concert without them is stress free. My oldest is learning to drive and if it weren't for the "unreasonable" requirement to log 50 hours of driving with a parent, he'd already have his badge of true independence--a driver's license.

Every once in awhile, memories of my kids at different ages do a short lilt and jig in my head, a commercial break from reality. I remember one as the defiant toddler, and another as a third-grader in a new school, grasping for some sense of routine by wearing the same two shirts from the start of school until Christmas break, and both of them graduating from fifth grade to middle school in elaborate ceremonies that were much too pompous for the achievement bestowed upon them.

Where has the time gone?  Back to school reminds me. Each year, on the first day of school, I take a few photos of my sons on the backyard patio and the front steps, to record the freshness of a new school year.  Over the years, my kids have transformed from cooperative, excited boys to, well, teenagers, with a sureness about school that makes it uncool to document the process with photos. They have grown up.

A friend of mine, who lost her dad to a quick-moving cancer over the summer, told me that after some vacation time in August, she's ready to start anew again. Her clients are part of a year-long leadership program, that ends about now. They, too, will start again, with new perspectives and skills. What is it about the fall, that back-to-school time, that gives us hope and a sense of turning the corner, just when Mother Nature is getting ready to go out in a burst of color before going dormant?   Photo by elbfoto

We start again, each year, in the fall. We wipe away the mistakes and regrets of the last year with new erasers and composition books that have no stray markings or ink spots, but which still shows some resistance when the front cover is opened. We open ourselves to another identity, one that isn't about being the expert in work, but rather the student in life. We fill our backpacks with reflection and dreams and commitment to the journey. Photo by Jamiesrabbits

Another friend, who came to this country 20 years ago from China, told me that in Asia, you don't get second chances. Black marks follow you for life. Not here, in the US. We are a country of immigrants, with second chances as easy to come by as a move to another state.

In a way, this entire year has been about back-to-school. Ending what we knew from past years, maybe how we lived and worked, what we trusted, and starting over. 

What is back-to-school time like for you?